UPDATE: Adult Life.

I am sorry that I haven’t written a new post in a while.

I’ve been sick the past few days and there just has been so much going on; between going to have my car continuously serviced to more drama at work to deciding to take a break from my relationship. I have been spending a lot of my time in bed just questioning my life and trying to figure out what comes next. It’s plenty to drive anyone crazy.

Sometimes growing up is hard and you don’t always know if you’re making the right choices for yourself or other people. I have learned independence through the numerous experiences that I’ve had of not having someone there to help me or relying so heavily on someone that took advantage or just did not care enough about me to give it their best effort.

I learned how to be alone and I was never really comfortable with it but it was all I knew. I remember while I was growing up, how much I wanted a partner. I wanted to know what it was like to be with someone that would do anything for me like one of those fairytale stories. I would daydream about it and imagine what my life would be like to have that Cinderella moment although a 2018 feminist might have a different idea.

I had a revelation when I started watching this new show on Netflix. During the episode, this guy is pouring his heart out to this girl that he likes. He is crying and pleading with her to give them a chance but she refuses. At first, I was wondering why she would reject him but soon I began to get it. She told him the truth, that she wouldn’t let anyone stand in the way of her dreams and that he had no ambition and real goals and that she wanted better for herself.

That message hit me really hard for a couple of reasons; I’ve always wanted a safety net. I’ve always wanted to feel safe and secure and that someone would be there for me and I’ve never been able to freely be myself. I spent so much time wanting to have another person in my life that I missed out on the opportunity to learn who I am and to accept myself. I wish I could have learned this lesson earlier but at the same time, it’s perfect timing because now I can focus on my self-growth and what steps I need to take to make my dreams come true. I have always let someone get in the way of what I wanted to do but this time will be different.

The bad news is I’ve been looking up a lot of schools and their reviews and I haven’t seen any performing arts universities so far that I would be willing to go to in Texas. I originally had plans to take classes online from one particular school until I found out how much they were asking for and I was being rushed through the whole process before I was even given a proper brochure. It just didn’t feel right. I know I want to write but that’s not all I want to do and it would be great to get proper training all at the same university or at least have a few prospects.

I am going to take my time and figure out what is right for me. I am a planner so I never stop making plans for my life and trying to figure out what I want to do next. Hopefully, in my later posts that I publish here, you guys will find out what I have decided to do about school and the future. I mostly just wanted to keep you guys updated because I hate when I just disappear and I don’t say anything about what has been going on. I hope you guys are enjoying this new year and making plans for your future as well.

Until next time.

Xo,

Nina.

GIF Credit:

Adult Life – Pinterest.com

Fat Amy – Tenor.com

Cinderella – Giphy.com

Alison Brie – Gifmagazine.net