Finding My Wings

Welp, here we are on another Tuesday. I met someone new and we were talking everyday and I thought he was something very special. Sometimes things just don’t work out they way that you wanted or expected and you have to just roll with it.

The beginning felt like an 80s movie. He was absolutely adorable, sweet, and chivalrous. I adored every second with him and everything seemed perfect but you know that life isn’t a movie and just like all movies and life all good things come to an end. It was a short live 5 hours of happiness but I’m happy it happened. It was a lesson learned.

We met up and had a wonderful time just talking and eating and watching a movie. It felt like the perfect date. It’s so hard to date these days without it turning sour. Basically we were just two friends meeting up for the first time to hang out and I thought maybe some day we could be something more. I feel like the chances of that happening are over now after last night.

I have a bad habit for being too nice all the time instead of just saying what I really want and being done with it. I get so swept up in the emotions of everything happening that I don’t completely think clearly about what is happening and I give up my power. He knew I had feelings for him but we both agreed we needed time to work on ourselves before considering dating.

He insisted that there was something between us and even though we agreed that we would just be friends and see how it goes, he forced me to make a choice. I had to either be his friend and our dynamic would change or I had to be willing to date him. I chose wrong and I know that but I also knew that by kissing him and giving him what he wanted, that would be the end of his chances of a future with me. I woke up the next day realizing I deserved so much better and what the hell was I doing backing down and settling. So what he wanted to kiss me, not every guy can get what he wants and how dare I disrespect my body and myself like that.

I don’t think anyone wants to be alone. I don’t think anyone wants to feel like they found something genuine and sacred with someone and then they forcibly threaten to tear apart the foundation of trust that you’ve built together over a short period of time. I should have just said fu@$ it and helped him tear it down because it wasn’t worth it. Anyone that can’t respect me isn’t worth it.

I don’t want this to continue to be my life. I have to change. I have to not be afraid to be called a bitch or any other name because I refuse to settle or give up my power. I have to be willing to get into confrontations and hurting people’s feelings or ego if that is my truth. I can not shrink myself, my feelings, my mind to make them feel comfortable.

I just wanted to give you an update of what had been on my mind all day today. Sorry my post is so late. I’ve felt so drained I literally slept through most of my day but here’s to us. Never give up your power and if someone doesn’t recognize your awesomeness they aren’t worth a text back.

Until next time, I’m Nina Maroon. Follow me on all social media at @NinaMaroon. I post every Tuesday so come back and check me out next week!!!

Xo,

Nina.