New Beginnings & Surprises

Greeting friends!

I know it’s been a while but I am so excited to be back here with you sharing new moments and life lessons. I believe where we left off I had moved out to California. I lived in LA for almost two years and I learned so much during that time. I may make a separate blog post about all the crazy highs and lows of life in LA.

Today I want to talk to you about what you put out into the universe and how it can influence the life you live. I think we’ve all heard the saying about “do unto others” or about life or people mirroring you from past trauma or your reactions to it.

I write this to say I’ve seen for myself how your attitude can influence how you experience life in certain instances. This past work week was a little rough to say the least. I’m working 9 to 5 doing a thankless job that I’m pretty over doing and my manager talked to me in such a way I just imagined elbowing her in the nose.

(And yes I realize this is a punch to the face but it’s very satisfying lol. Bonus points if you know what show this is.)

I was leaving work blasting “F@!ked Up World” by The Pretty Reckless. As I drove down the street I saw a pole where someone wrote in black marker “F-k this f-kd up world. I’m done trying to save it.” And it reminded me of how I thought it was once my life mission as a devout christian to save this world and after living more of life I realize that the only soul I’m interested in save is my own.

As I continued to drive I watched cars swerving in the road and just driving very recklessly. I recognized how angry I was and I felt like my blood was boiling from the earlier interaction and I found myself taking many deep breaths as cars were cutting my off and jumping in and out of lanes. Then it hit me, I’m experiencing what I am putting out in the world. My emotions feel out of control because I am so upset and now I’m seeing chaos around me.

I started thinking about how tired I am of working dead end jobs and putting up with situations that don’t serve me. The more I thought about it I started having a panic attack. I pulled over to get food and was able to distract myself long enough to calm down while speaking to the cashier. Learning to regulate my emotions has been a step by step process but its getting easier.

To end this week off I had a hilarious encounter with my friend Allison on Saturday. Allison and I have been friends for almost a year now.

We were heading back to her house and this red mustang flies in front of my car and I barely break in time. Allison starts flipping him off and doing this dance. At first I didn’t even realize she was doing it. And we look at each other and start laughing. So then the driver starts flipping us off and shaking his head. So we keep laughing. And I realized that I was slightly terrified that the driver could be crazy and retaliate violently but also feeling this rush and actually enjoying the moment.

The light turned green and he sat at the light refusing to move and of course we couldn’t switch lanes. When he finally moved after a minute or so he continued driving slow down the road and we were still laughing at him and for the first time I realized I wasn’t angry or experiencing road rage like I have before. I think I’ve taken life so seriously for so long that I’ve struggled to truly be in the moment and enjoy it for what it is. In the past I was always looking for the next moment or wishing for more and that is the new lesson I am learning now. To not be so serious and worried about what comes next.

Xo,

Nina