Give Me Love

So this is gonna be a rough one to talk about. It’s been weeks and just when I think I’ve finally gotten my head above the water I’m hit with more bullshit. I just feel like I’ve been judged by everyone for every decision that I’ve made lately whether it’s been in my love life or my professional life and it sucks.

I’ve found this incredible guy that I might want to spend the rest of my life with and because the start of our relationship wasn’t ideal seeing as though we worked together and people tried to be nosy and involve themselves in our private lives and stir up drama, there was drama.

Everyone has a past and if you look too closely at it for a flaw you will always find one. I was so emotionally and mentally drained the past few days I barely slept and ate I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital all because of the amount of weight I’ve been carrying. The amount of stress, depression, and anxiety that I have been feeling for weeks.

It’s painful when you feel like the people closest to you don’t support you or understand the choices that you make. When they are refusing to speak to you and your left hurt and confused because you are trying so hard to make sense of an already difficult situation and all you want is to feel their love and they just won’t give it to you.

When you finally have that conversation to try to resolve the issues that you’ve been having but you know the friendship just doesn’t feel the same. You know that you will always have love for them but a part of you broke in your brokenness that you couldn’t retrieve in the darkness that they left you in while you waited for them.

Just when I thought the worst of my pain was over I was reminded just how human I really am and even though I am resilient that doesn’t mean I deserve to be mistreated by anyone especially the world. And the world will try you. They will pick at you. Try to kick you when you are already down. And I am so tired. All I want to feel is love from here on out when all I’ve felt is pain for weeks. Even if I have to be the only one to give the love to back to myself I know it’s necessary for my health.

And I fucking quit my toxic ass job where I was being harassed everyday. Grateful I found something much better.

But I do dare ask the universe…Give me love.