BEGIN AGAIN

I just started writing music again. I never thought it would be this hard. It was even harder having a conversation with my partner explaining why I haven’t played piano in years and why I haven’t felt inspired when I am a creative being. It was painful to explain how broken I’ve been the past few years because of everything that has happened. And I wish it was as easy to write music from that place of pain but some pain you can’t even put into words.

But talking to him helped and crying and breathing through it made a difference so I am not giving up. Right now I feel this huge disconnect from who I have always been in relation to music and who I am now; maybe it’s a good thing, maybe it’s not, but it’s where I am right now. I haven’t given up on California either, I still plan to return. I am proud to say that during my time away I’ve been able to pay off most of my debt so when I go back it won’t be as financially challenging as before. I will have a plan and I won’t be alone this time.

Our place is coming along nicely. We are creating a safe space for creativity. I finally have a spot for my vinyl collection, record player, and guitar. Since we both love collecting records we definitely will be hitting up more record stores in the future. I may post some pictures once our home is fully furnished and decorated. One thing I really want is an electric guitar. I’ve wanted one for a while so if I do happen to get one I will let you guys know. I actually picked up my guitar for the first time in years last week and that felt pretty good. I know it will take some time but I know I can get there.

Sometimes it’s hard to not get stuck in your head. On those days I think it’s best to put on your favorite song, turn it up, dance even if you don’t feel like it at first because you have to shake those blues away. Go outside and remind yourself that you are alive and that every day is still a gift no matter what crazy thing somebody said or did in the past, present, or even in the future. Nobody gets to steal your joy. This life is yours. And on those really bad days, I have to remind myself of these things. I hope you don’t forget as well.

Love always.

Xo,

Nina